This post has been a long time coming. Topic: the Target parking garage in Glendale. At first I thought I ought to make some Visual Aids to enhance this post and really get you to understand just exactly wtf I'm talking about when I say, the Target parking garage in Glendale. But then I'd get all hung up on the designs of my infographics and never get around to writing this so here we go.
Target. No other place makes my blood pressure go up at an expotential rate, than Target parking lots. (Trader Joe's parking lots come to mind... but really it's baby stuff compared to Target).
I admit my mistake was probably in trying to run errands on a Sunday during peak time. And the fact that I keep insisting on going to the godamn Target that is ATTACHED to a fucking mall. That just throws all sorts of unsavory variables into the mix that never should've be in there in the first place.
This particular parking garage is gigantic with multiple cantilever levels. There has got to be at least 6–7 entrance/exits on the west wing of the garage and about the same number on the east wing. Yes, I said wing. So with this many exits and entrances it should technically be airy and easy breezy yes? NO.
Because each exit/entrance is booby trapped to take you on an unecessary SLOW ASS journey throughout the entire garage through some lunatic M.C. Escher-like maze only to be spit out at where you'd started, with no progress up any levels and 10% less gas.
Let's talk about why it's so slow ass. Because Target shoppers who shop on weekends all drive SUVs because running errands is a family activity. And these SUVs drive realy fucking slow because they're so behemoth that they have to, to maneuver around the corners without clipping cars. Because every few yards you have to brake for all the slow moving mall people who are moseying around in the middle of the road with no care in the world but their Wetzel's pretzels. Because everyone wants to park on the ground level for some reason even though there are 4 floors above that have infinitely more spots, and just a 12 second elevator ride down. Because assholes are driving backwards into one way lanes. Because of that person who is taking forever to back the fuck out, and with just as much fault, the idiot who is *still* patient or brain dead enough to wait for this person who is taking their sweet time.
I just want you all to know that I mentally killed about 40 something people in that parking garage on Sunday.
By the time I emerged from my car I was pale, shaking with rage and totally OVER buying toilet paper and pastel gift wrap for Lily's baby shower.
This SUV in front of me was driving at snail's pace, which is how I was able to document this shit. You can't tell from the photo but the individual had replaced all of his/her tail lights with yellow lights so that when they pressed their brakes you couldn't even fucking tell they were braking. Really safe on the freeway, and very legal I'm sure. Then, observe exhibit B, the idiotesque individual slowly and determinedly weaving their way going the wrong fucking way towards us.. towards ME–because they want to die. Toss in some slow moving Glendale mallrats in skinny jeans and muffin tops and a couple DOZEN strollers and what do you get? Me in my car stony faced with disbelief, lava coming out of my eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment