Ahn-nee- yo

"I'd say check out my euro trip fotos on facebook but that would mean you'd have to friend me." --Ed

My brother and I have an agreement not to be FB friends. He doesn't need to see that I actually know people with mustaches and I don't need to see party pics of him with anonymous "chicks". We are private, its chill. Plus I already know enough things about him that make me roll my eyes.

Pop off!

1. I'm over Nylon magazine, I've decided to end my subscription. The ugly content in that one single magazine is...oh my god, unbelievable. From the shamelessly blatant lack of care in the page layouts, to the unforgivingly fugly fashion featured inside. No one should wear a varsity jacket-pencil skirt combo with Lolita white socks and yellow polka dotted stilettos. Now lets all take a moment to visualize what I'd just dictated....seriously, eff off.

Also who is this Peaches Gell-something or another whos always guest editing? Get out of my face you're annoying as hell. At this point the only thing cool that remains consistent from the past is the one spread where they have different artists depict / draw / collage various beauty products. You know what I'm talking about.

2. Am I the only one anticipating with dread, that one final week sometime in September where the whole world turns into a fiery inferno and I want to kill myself in many different ways? Yes, Indian Summer, I am talking about you. And no I am not going to Sunset Junction, how dare you ask me that?

3. Jennifer Aniston. Why? What is her appeal? Why must I look at her simpering face at every newstand, every check out line I stand in. How must it feel to be eternally famous for once having been married to Brad Pitt (who is not remotely attractive to me which makes it all that more puzzling). I'm tired of the girl next door and her eternally unchanging hairstyle + tight lipped non smile combo.

4. Where is a good tidepool when you need one? Once a year I get crazy about wanting to go to a tidepool. A good one. Where?

5. Emma is the best person to road trip with cause she drives 90mph and she pays for all your candy. On the other hand I'm the worst person to road trip with cause I'm a whiny carsickey bitch.

6. I spent over a hundred on a "real" knife and let me tell you--what a joy. All I want to do is chop things into uniform smithereens now. You need onions diced? No problem I'll come over with my knife. I'll even julienne your cucumbers...slash your enemy's tires...

7. I never thought I'd live to see the day where I hear "I like your dream catcher" god w-t-f? what do you say to that? "its not a.... thanks." :T

8. Today was Pilates + Porto's= What the hell, you may as well have not pilate'd at all-day. Is that bad? I was in the area anyway and as a tribute to Emma's ex, I bought 5 (you hear that guys? FIVE) grease laden potato balls, cause I'm rich biatch. Emma, you want one? You can have half. Saving the rest, yep.

Mr. Walter Whiskerpaws

Sometimes I miss Wally.

Furry little thing

Sometimes I think about how wierd it is that a furry grey animal resides in my house with me. When I leave the house it stares at me goodbye, and when I come back home its waiting for me. It hops on all manners of objects and heights following me throughout the entire space. Its really unnerving if you think about it. But then I snap out of it cause I realize its Michi, and I must be writing such an entry cause its so late.

Awkward times with Katherine

Do you remember the time I ordered an automated pet feeder on Amazon?
And then as I picked it up from the mailroom I ran into my boss at the stairs with my giant box.

"Ooh a package! What did you get?"
"....uh Books..(insert needless ramble about books here)"

I spontaneously lied to avoid saying "automated pet feeder" (way, way way too nerdy, and style cramping) and then had to pretend the box was heavy with my imaginary books all the way up the stairs. I even had to decline his offer to help me carry my box cause actually it weighed next to nothing and it would have given me away as a liar.

Afterwards I kicked the box under my desk and crossed my fingers that he wouldn't swing by my desk to check out my new books later on.

Sometimes I feel like Larry from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Coffee Bean Killer

Often times I start my mornings with a coffee from the Coffee Bean by my place. Predictably betw. 9:15 and 9:45am I waltz in there for the same exact thing I've ordered for the last two years.

Anyway there is this kind of creepy middle aged man who is always sitting drinking coffee by the door. 4 out of 5 times he is there when I walk in and creepy eye contact is always made. Almost like he'd been expecting me. Lately on a whim I've started to entertain the idea that this man could very well be a stalker-type, observing potential victims. And he has my routine down pat. One day he will follow me and find out I live right around the corner and come and kill me...

Not that this is a laughing matter! But you have to think.. if this man inspired a blog entry...my suspicions are like 25% legitimate.

What if tomorrow, before I make my exit I point two fingers towards his eyes and mine while saying "I'm on to you!"

Notes of delusions

So some of you know I fasted for 10 days last month.
I was cleaning my desk and i came across some feeble notes I had jotted down through my progress...

Day 1: performance anxiety, dread
Day 2: coffee headache, general weakness
Day 3: preoccupation with food. feeling very sorry for oneself
Day 4: feel GOOD. BAKED ALL DAMN DAY.